you know what blows?

the wind.

and getting back to work after such a wonderful holiday season. and by that, i mean not working.

it is brutal.

this is how i felt this morning:

@itsWillyFerrellNot Will Ferrell
I’m in love with my bed, we’re perfect for each other, but my alarm clock just doesn’t seem to want us together. Jealous whore.

it was a bitch to get out of bed. all i kept thinking about was what are some ways i could get out of work. and this is what i thought of:

1. walk in front of a car and have them run over my foot. a broken foot at least takes time in the ER.
2. get in a car accident. minor of course. but it would take time to straighten it all out.

3. call my friend to punch me in the face. 

4. call my friend to break my leg.
5. fall down the stairs.
and you know what is funny…all of those require harm or injury to my body or car. i didn’t think….oh why don’t i just call in sick. you know why? i am a baby. i am a terrible liar and i would feel guilty all day.
but this year is a new year. and i have 10 sick days. and i think i want to use some. 
so please give me your best ‘oh, i can’t come in today because…’ lines. 
i. am. desperate.
in return i will:
1. call you on my day off to tell you how awesome it went.
2. comment on your blog all day long. and probably tweet you. a lot.
3. envy you for having great liar skills.
fair trade i think…
[nye weekend post tomorrow. i need some time to reflect. and heal my liver before writing about it]

5 Comment

  1. This isn't really a lie, because it does happen to me once a month, my period is so bad I'm literally dying in my bed, borderline hemorrhaging, and simultaneously throwing up from the pain of the cramps. TMI?

    The Paleo Project

  2. ha! i had to go back to work yesterday which was even more brutal/inhumane since EVERY OTHER SINGLE PERSON had yesterday off!! anyway, i often consider similar options, although mine usually involves getting hit by a city bus. From what i understand, not only woudl it get you out of work (hello ICU) but they also serve youa nice settlement for keeping your trap shut about the whole thing. so like, it's win/win: no work today, or ever again!!

    for what it's worth, you could always juts tell them you came down with a stomach flu. it's just gross enough that no one is really gonna want any more details and it's severe enough that they wouldn't want you to come in either.

    k, tweet me all day now. thanks.


  3. I just email my boss and I say I'm having "issues". Leaves plenty to the imagination. When questioned, I reply with "explosive". No one wants to know more.

  4. Haha I love this post. This was me this morning, no joke. Unfortunately I have such bad anxiety and fear of being caught that I could never phone in sick without being on the verge of death. I wish that I wasn't so lame, but there you have it!

  5. this made me laugh. because it was funny and i went through the same thing this morning. i had a week and half off of work and today was my first day back. when i woke up i thought of any type of way that i could not go to work. i ALMOST settled on this excuse to tell my boss "i am somehow nailed to my floor…" but alas i just sucked it up and went into work anyway.

    you have a great little blog here… i really like the title!

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