yours. not mine.

since i don’t have a valentines day story for you. i wanted to share someone elses.

a stranger.

yesterday afternoon, the UPS truck arrived with the standard delivery. [clamps, nuts, bolts, etc] but then. a purple box with written on the side.

there are two girls in my office/trailer. me and one other. who has a boyfriend.

i sign for everything. hoping these flowers are from a secret admirer. preferably the hott spanish god i saw couple weeks back. made eye contact. and our future together flashed through my mind. so what if we couldn’t communicate. sometimes that might be better.

i JUST knew they were going to be from him.

that hair. that luscious hair.


they weren’t from him. they weren’t even for me. or even my co-worker.

they were for some girl we’ve never heard of.

luckily for her there was a number next to her name.

so we called. three times. left a message.

when she called back, the conversation went something like this:

stranger: i got 3 missed calls from this number. did you mean to call it?
me: uh yes. you have some flowers that got delivered to our construction jobsite.
s: ….
me: well i assume they got shipped here because we are building the building your company is moving in to in april.
s: oh ok. who are they from?
me: well they are in a box. i can’t see that.
s: what do they look like?
me: they are in a box. i can’t see them.
s: well can you open them and tell me who they are from?
me: don’t you want to just come get them?
s: so who are they from?
me: hold on.
me: the card reads: ‘dear [name i couldn’t pronounce correctly] you are loved. happy valentines day! thanks for the good time and many more to come! love R’
s: i don’t know an R
me: well i don’t either. these flowers are for you.
s: what kind of flowers?
me: roses. please come get them. i have to go back to work.
s: well i am not sure who R is.
me: well if there was a bomb in there then i’d be dead. i am sure you will be fine taking these flowers home.

shit. she was so annoying.

so i wrote ‘slut’ on her card and waited for her to come pick them up.

lesson: tell a guy where you work the first time you meet. and the address. because if he decides to send flowers after your ‘good time’ then you want to get them to your office. not mine. i will be a bitch about it.

18 Comment

  1. Hahah I love this story

  2. lol! I love the way you handled the situation!!

  3. bahahah. this is amazing.

    slut. did she come get them in the end?!

  4. haha I would have totally hung up when she asked what they looked like. Im so happy you wrote nice words in her card. What a douche!

  5. i love that you wrote slut on her card. what a dumb bitch.

  6. here's what i don't get–why didn't you juts say "okay, my mistake" and keep them for yourself??? she sounds like a hoo-are if she can't figure out who would have sent her flowers, so happy valentine's day to you!


  7. haha – did she ever come get them? If I had no clue who they were from, I'd just say "happy valentines day!" to the caller. Mostly because I'm lazy like that.

  8. ahhahahaha what a weirdo. You and girl number 2 should have just split them up and never called her.

  9. AHAHA OMG I loved this. I give you props for letting the phone call go that long. I would been like look chick you can either pick these flowers up or not *Click*

  10. BAHA what a nut job!

  11. That is why I love you. She sounds like a ho

  12. That's hilarious and I think you handled it beautifully.

  13. Wait, you're telling me people get FLOWERS after giving a guy a "good night"?? Someone owes me lots and lots of flowers 🙂

  14. Kennel up, Laura! 🙂

    And Whit. Perfect.

  15. Haha, oh I wouldn't have had the patience for that, nope nope nope. Found your blog from Across the Pond. I clicked on your button because it's UH-dorable. Love your blog 🙂

    Following you,

  16. This totally cracked me up – like who is so full of themselves they can't just be happy they got flowers?!

Leave a Reply